.......

I know life has to go on.
I know there is nothing I can do.

As Jingle was getting into his antics tonight, I sobbed.  I am still sobbing.
I cry for her.
I weep for the beautiful little girl who came to us too soon and left us too soon.
I cry for her mom and dad.
I cry for her grandparents.
I cry for our family.
I cry for myself.

I cry out to God.

Life has to go on for my little boy and his precious world.
I'm back home, but I'm lost. I want to be back in my hometown. My heart aches to be there.

It is almost 2am. I am mentally and physically exhausted. There is so much to be done and yet I don't have the strength to move. I don't feel I have the strength to go on with business as usual. I keep thinking of my 'sister' who is hurting. I have hugged my sweet boy 3000 times since I've been home. I even laid with him after he was sleeping and just snuggled him close. There are so many things I wish I knew how to say. What CAN you say to a mother who has to tell her 27 hour old beautiful creation goodbye? I can't say I understand. I don't. I can't say it will get better with time. I'm not sure if and when it will.  I can't say anything.
I just want to be there to hold her and hug her and try to make it all better, even though I can't.

I was able to see sweet Ava just hours after she arrived.  I was able to tell her hello, coo over her in her little NICU home and rejoice that she made it with every single thing going against her and her little 13 oz body. This was only Thursday.
Friday I was able to hold her and say goodbye. I was able to finally get my fingers on her tiny toes and her tiny face. I was able to snuggle her close to my heart one last time before I had to leave to take care of my own sick little guy. I miss that sweet tiny little girl more already than I ever thought I could miss a child that is not my own.

Ava Morgan, you were called Home way too soon.

God we need You. Hear our prayers.

If you have been watching for Jingle updates, don't fret. Jingle is still performing his scout elf duties and the camera is still catching the action.
This mom, however, can't find the words or strength to post about Jingle. Just not yet.

Day 17 of the Adventure

Jingle decided to take a ride in the jeep with Smoky the Otter (the otter came from the Smoky Mountains).

 I wonder where they went? It had to be fun if Jingle was involved!

Day 16 of the Adventure

Jingle must be excited our tree is finally here. He decided to do a little decorating with the toilet paper.

 He couldn't wait for me to get the decorations up. He must have got caught up in the Bo Jackson 30 for 30 and thought the tree was from Toomers Corner.

War Eagle Jingle!

Day 15 of the Adventure

Someone must have overheard the small guy in the house talking about his first big game today!

 Jingle found my glitter paint and made a sign for him.

 It appears Jingle loves basketball. This is the second time we've caught him with this ball!!

How nice of Jingle. When we came home from the game, little guy said "Jingle's good luck sign must have worked."  We won 18-6!

Day 14 of the Adventure

What on earth?!

 Jingle got tangled up in a slinky. It looks like he was trying to bungee jump off the mantle and got stuck!

 My son stared at him for what seemed like eternity and yelled "MOM I SAW HIM MOVE!"

Who am I to tell him it was because the heater turned on and started making him sway? I love he still has his sweet innocence for at least a little while longer. 

Day 13 of the Adventure

I think he is missing his reindeer friends. When we woke up, he was hanging out with the goofy reindeer!

 He was having a good time with them it appeared!

Day 12 of the Adventure

Jingle was hanging out in the stocking with the homemade reindeer.

Day 11 of the Adventure

Um...I really don't know what to say Jingle.

 There is a trail of copy pictures of Jingle leading the way through the playroom....

 ...And we're not sure why....until....

 Wow.  Jingle you are NOTHING but trouble!

 Hopefully Santa will let you keep your job after this one!!

Day 10 of the Adventure

So my little guy asked Jingle to make some snowflakes for him to put on the windows. Jingle did him one better...brought back Santa Snow!

 He painted our front door sidelights with the Santa Snow. He must have been carried away because we have some snow on the floor, too!

Since he left the Santa Snow, the little man wants to do all of the windows. I might have to let him just do his bedroom. :)

Day 9 of the Adventure

I guess Jingle was tired from his long trip back from the North Pole.

Day 8 of the Adventure

Our son LOVES nutcrackers. I think he picked this up from his sweet music teacher that he is crushing on, but no matter. I had bought a nutcracker for a gift today and he was so sad I didn't get him one. I guess Jingle was listening!

It just proves the elves are always listening!